I have been learning to use detail in my writing. We use detail to hook the reader and make a picture in their mind. Something that challenged me was to write the beginning to hook the reader in and how I changed all the said's to some other words. I am proud of achieving my goal:detail. Next time I am going to use the thesaurus more.
Here are some details I added:
I was extremely happy that Ginger was OK. I nearly cried with joy.
Here are some details I added:
I stroked the tail it was very delicate
Carefully I picked her up ,excited to be looking after a little kitten. I was extremely happy that Ginger was OK. I nearly cried with joy.
Bang Bang Bang! The ceiling shook. What was that horrible sound? The noise got louder and louder as I waited for it to stop. Finally I opened the door. It was gone. I must of scared it away. Quietly I shutted the door as a little squeal came from the garden. Slowly I turned around and saw a tail hanging out from a large bush. The tail was peach. I stroked the tail it was very delicate. Was it lost or was it playing? The animal squealed again. Swiftly I pushed the bushes back . There was a mini kitten squealing. Carefully I picked her up ,excited to be looking after a little kitten. But why was she squealing? The kitten turned around. I spotted the thorn in the kitten’s foot. Carefully I pulled the thorn out of her foot. She looked at me with fright. She was so scared that her eyes started sinking with a few tears. I catched(caught) them with my palm.” You don’t have to cry” I whispered to the kitten.”I’ll look after you.” I looked at her collar. It almost had all the information I needed to know.
Collar
Name Ginger
Gender Girl
Adress ?
Phone no. ?
The only missing part of the information was the Address and phone no. I looked at Ginger confused. “ How will I take you home.”I crept inside. What will mum do with the kitten if I showed it to her? I was nearly there in my room until mum heard a bulky footstep, stomp! I tried to hide Ginger, but mum came in before I could do anything. She looked at my my hands…
What would she do next? I closed my eyes. Instead of a scream she stayed still for a while. I left the room. That night I was worried sick. My heart was beating. I wanted to cry. Before I went to bed I looked at Ginger. Will Ginger be safe?
In the morning I found out my answer. No! A huge amount of men came into the house. They took Ginger’s food, her food bowl, including her bed. What was happening and what has mum done? Where was Ginger? That was my main question now. She wasn’t under my bed nor mum’s. I was about to peek in the garden until I heard a squeal from the top room. I ran into the house upstairs. I started looking under boxes and on shelves. Finally I found her burrowing under a large hat. She was dusty and cold. Slowly I walked down stairs. The men had all of Ginger’s stuff now they were looking for Ginger. I crept downstairs holding Ginger behind my back. Suddenly a man stared at me. I looked shocked. He started asking questions about Ginger: Where is your cat? What food does she like? Where did you get her? I answered none. I ran outside. How scared Ginger must been. She jumped from my hands...and started to run. That was the end of Ginger. The next night I creeped out from my bed and tiptoed out to find Ginger. I went out into the night. I heard howling and more mysterious noises. I looked everywhere up trees across bridges through caves. In one deep dark cave I saw Ginger lying down on the ground. Her heart beating was just enough. I ran home with Ginger tightly in my hands. Quietly I walked to the kitchen. The men had took all her food. I remembered that I placed some cat food in under my bed. I fed Ginger the perfect amount of food to keep her alive. She opened her eyes a tiny bit. I was 100% sure that she was alive enough to run a whole lap. I fell asleep saying to myself, Ginger is alive, Ginger is alive. In the morning luckily Ginger was alive. She was licking me to get her attention. I was extremely happy that Ginger was OK. I nearly cried with joy. I was so happy stroked Ginger, went to the market to buy more cat things, and fed her cat food. Mum didn’t notice Ginger at all, she didn’t call the men when she saw all the cat food in the cupboard, she didn’t throw her food bowl away when she saw it on the floor, and she didn’t make a fuss when she saw her bed. That meant that me and Ginger were free to play at home.
